A Cry for Mercy
by MeowthNThe3Js
Summary: Told in Jesse's view, she goes through a struggle of love and pain in this story. Very dark throughout, but has a happy ending. ^_^


Prologue - He Doesn't See Me  
  
I miss him, my dear James. How did things go so wrong? Why doesn't he speak to me anymore?  
  
Because you hurt him. Intentionally.  
  
I just want to put the past behind me. I want to be able to talk to him, without feeling so awkward to him all the time. I can express my life and feelings in a letter, but never face to face. Why can't I look at him without being so ashamed as to use my own voice?  
  
It was your own voice that got you into this predicament in the first place.  
  
He's always so quiet and shy, and always has been. I can never tell if he's forgiven me, can't figure me out, or couldn't give a care less. I just want to be friends again. . . . . .like it used to be, only things are different now. We're no longer part of that same team. I quit Team Rocket, because I thought that I just knew I'd be better off. I was even glad to get rid of James, because he had insulted my very own pride, as well as my pride of my mother. The thing is, that he was only giving me the facts. I just didn't want to face reality, I didn't want to face the fact that the only one to blame was. . . . . .myself.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~  
  
A Cry For Mercy  
  
I was approaching a state of clinical depression. All the failures we made as a team was starting to get to me. I often walked away from our camp to cry my heart out. I felt pathetic, useless. I felt like I had no hope besides the hope in my prayers. We failed a major assignment, and I've felt horrible since.  
  
In the past, I was always a strong, determined spirit. That has since died down. I still acted tough on the outside, but inside, I was weakening. I felt as if my soul were dying.  
  
I decided to take a much needed vacation, the first in a horribly long time. The boss only paid for me to go. I was in a tour bus group. I was sort of singled out from the group, dreaming in my own world, for those long hours of riding. We toured some sights, and had a little fun. Then, I made friends with someone. Her name was Shauntel.  
  
We talked often. Eventually, we somehow got to the subject of my mother. I told her how she disappeared, and was presumed dead. Shauntel was very touched. She even convince me to tell my story to others in our tour group. I felt glad that I was understood, and I was accepted.  
  
All too soon, the trip ended, and I went back into my complete misery. It was as if I were walking through a nightmare that would never end. I wish that I would wake up. . . . .I just wish that I would wake up, and go back to good ol' days of glory. The good ol' days where I was happy in my ever- growing profession. I was happy with James and Meowth. Times were good then. But times changed.  
  
We decided to give the big assignment another try. We wanted to catch all of the twerp's Pokemon for the boss. This time, we hope we don't make such big fools of ourselves again. I still couldn't believe that my grace left me the last time, and I fell over the gondola of the balloon while trying to work one of Meowth's contraptions, which James had broken. I was lucky that we weren't that far off the ground. It caused us to fail, nevertheless. I was beginning to get tired of feeling like such a big loser.  
  
Then James suggested that we should wait and work further on the plan. I thought that was absurd, and the date for the assignment remained. I told James that my mother never held back, and that we weren't going to either. He said that was exactly what killed her, and would kill us if we weren't careful. He said it was a careless idea. I was offended. I trusted him before, with all my heart. Now my heart tried to plummet to the bottom of the ocean. I just lamely said, "Fine. We'll wait till a later date, but for no more than a week."  
  
I began to think a lot. The more I thought about it, the angrier and more outraged I got. I came to the conclusion that it was time to lose James, if this assignment failed. He never was much of a help anyway. I would be better without him, and his insults to me and my mother's pride. I told the boss this, and it was agreed that I would quit Team Rocket if we all failed once more.  
  
A week later, I felt awkward towards James. I was afraid he overheard Meowth and I talking about my decision. He never let on, however, if he did. I still often wonder to this day if he had, in fact, overheard us. I may never know.  
  
It was at this point that I was very iffy about my decision. I was subconsciously cherishing every moment with him, as if knowing it were my last. Soon, my decision wasn't mine anymore. It became Giovanni's. I decided to wait on telling him that. I feared that he'd be upset at my fickleness. I figured that James, Meowth, and I planned well ahead enough that we were bound to succeed. I had nothing to fear then, or so I thought.  
  
It turned out that we failed miserably the second time as well. News got around to the boss rather quickly. Nevertheless, I still felt that I had at least a few days to think about it; however, I was very wrong.  
  
The boss called us up. I figured he'd lecture us on our failure. He called me in, and told me that things would be just fine, and that I was making a very good decision. I think he was glad to be rid of me. I thought he still would have accepted it if I changed my mind a day later, after a good night's rest. He excused me, "You can go home now," and I figured we were going to go back to our camp and relax.  
  
It finally dawned on me what was happening when he called James in. I felt this horrible feeling of dread crawl up and down my spine. I wanted to move, to scream, "No!", but I was stunned to the ground. It had already happened. I was sure.  
  
"You can go home now."  
  
Home. . . . .was where I used to live. . . . .my mother's home.  
  
I dragged my feet out of the headquarters, and I began to cry. I heard Meowth calling after me in the distance, but I dared not reply. I knew that my decision was a bad one. A horribly, selfishly, bad one.  
  
******  
  
I decided to not quit Team Rocket entirely, instead I was a lone worker. James and Meowth became lone workers themselves, but they still talked often to each other. I couldn't even face James in the eye for weeks. I avoided him, afraid he'd get mad at me if I got in the way. Yet, I began to cherish every moment I got to see him. The truth soon became that I loved him, and grew to realize that I have always loved him. My love became obvious to me, and I had to make sure it wasn't to him. I tried my hard best to show that I still cared about him, without showing my love, but I never was able to spur a conversation with him. I was too scared to speak. I felt as if I were inferior to his very being, and that speaking would be as a crime to him. It took me many months before I grew more comfortable with looking him in the face.  
  
We all were training for the time being, but I knew the time would come when we'd go our separate ways. It was going to happen any day now. In the meantime, I often day-dreamed about him. I hardly focused on what I was doing. I failed all the occasional little missions that I was assigned. Eventually, I got with it, and mad enough at myself to make some progress with my training. I worked hard enough that I succeeded to catch some nice Pokemon for the boss. James never gave his approval, at least not to me. I did know that he saw that I was getting better. He did recognize that, but it took Meowth dragging him to me for him to say it. He was originally just talking to Meowth about it. I get the feeling that Meowth wants us to get along, but is afraid that if he meddles to much that I'll get offended. I've assured him otherwise, but he is still is cautious just the same.  
  
I sighed, knowing that I hoped to much that Meowth would hint to James how I felt. I could never tell if the news ever got to James about how guilty I was. I wasn't sure if I should ever ask, in case he didn't know. I was too much of a coward to ask. I had a hard enough time saying hi to him.  
  
Then the time came that I decided to go on a different route. It was a painful decision, but I knew that this time it was for the better.  
  
I decided to quit Team Rocket, and to try to start living a decent, honest life. I got a job that was quite a ways from TRHQ in Viridian; I decided accept a job at the skyscraper in Saffron City, Silph Co. I liked my new boss. I got assignments to invent all sorts of things. I was getting paid decently, at least enough to live easily on my own. I was at satisfied with that much.  
  
I wrote cards to everyone that I had acquaintances with at TRHQ. I promised all of them I would write, which I did. I wrote letters to James, and I was easily able to put my thoughts on paper and send it. There wasn't any awkward confrontation that way. It saddened me that I didn't get a reply, but I figured that he still appreciated my thoughts just the same. He was probably busy anyway.  
  
I carried on, and had my ups and downs. Giovanni was kind enough to send me notification on Team Rocket, for keeping his identity confidential. Eventually, a huge Pokemon experimentation was going to be held at Silph Co., and James and Meowth were going to be there.  
  
I was excited about what the experimentations were all about, but my excitement was soon overruled by fear. There was an attack on Silph Co., causing the building to be completely destroyed, taking many lives with it. I was outraged, and I had a feeling that Giovanni was behind it; however, I found out that the project was still on, just that it was to be held at another location, the main stadium..  
  
My mind blurred, not able to grasp was had just happened to the great building I used to work at. Sure, it could be rebuilt quickly. It was the lives that had been lost that had dulled my mind so.  
  
It wasn't until I saw James that I was awakened again. I had meant to give him a warm hi when I saw him, but he had come up so suddenly that I was stunned just to see him again. He had come up in the stands with other Team Rocket members, including Meowth (whom I did say hi to), and it was like he appeared before my very eyes. He walked by me calmly, not speaking, as he had been before I left TRHQ. We sat up there in silence, and watched the presentation and explanation of the project.  
  
After that first day I cursed myself for not speaking to him. I wanted to hold him. I want him to hold me back, and tell me that it was okay to cry, that he forgave me. I was starting to get tired of my cowardly soul.  
  
You can't show love if you hold back all the time. You need to be warm, gentle, and caring, for God's sake.  
  
I know James looked at me from time to time, to see how I seemed to be doing. I acted indifferent, a common, stupid mistake of mine. Therefore, he acted the same for the most part. I still sensed it when he was looking at me out of the corner of his eye, though. He eyed my boss from Silph Co. as well, especially when the boss was giving high fives to Meowth for Meowth's speech. I couldn't resist but to smile. He still acted indifferent, but I know some thoughts had to be running through his head.  
  
I went home that day, and thought about all that had happened. I came to the conclusion that I wasn't going to let the Experimentation Presentation event go by without saying something to him. I want to somehow get a conversation going. I had to......I must.  
  
"Please Lord......hear my cry for mercy. Give me the strength and the words to say. Please."  
  
*******  
  
I went to the last day of all the presentations and speeches. James was to give his speech on his invention today. He and Meowth were sitting all by themselves. I walked up to sit by them, and I debated whether to sit by James or Meowth. I picked the latter. I figured being that close to him was a statement still.  
  
"Hi ya, guys!" I said cheerfully, with a smile on my face.  
  
"Hi," Meowth replied. I was afraid James would leave it at that, as if Meowth had spoken for him. I got lucky, though.  
  
"Hi Jesse," James replied also. I was relieved. That was at least a start.  
  
I sat by them a while. We didn't really talk, and watched as Giovanni announced his plans for making nutritional supplements that would give Pokemon more strength. He never mentioned any harmful effects, leading me to be certain that there were some.  
  
Speeches went on for a couple hours, as I listened as attentively as I could. I got tired enough eventually, that I decided it was time to say our good-byes. I said good-bye to all of my former Team Rocket comrades. Meowth said bye as well, and we embraced. James only looked at me as I walked out the door. We both knew we'd be seeing each other again.  
  
As I walked on towards my car, an overwhelming empty feeling took my soul over. Images of his clear, emerald green eyes, his face, filled my mind. I knew I'd try to write him a good letter soon. I had to, or else my heart would break from loneliness.  
  
I ran through all the things I would say next time that James and I would meet. I had maybe a little more confidence than before, and I had a better idea of exactly what I wanted to say. Maybe with time, my determined spirit would carry me through, and bless me with his friendship again. I hope that with time, the awkwardness would die, and that the mistakes of the past would be far behind us. Then, and only then, will we be able to be true friends. Only then, do I have a chance that a love will spring up from under the ground and blossom. All I need is time to slowly break the ice that has been blocking almost all interaction between us.  
  
With time and determination and faith, you will overcome your fears, Jesse. Then all will be well.  
  
I looked up at the sky, almost subconsciously, then suddenly an image of white glory appeared before me. Under the sun, it looked as if my mother was staring right back at me. She appeared to be wearing a beautiful, white silk dress. As I stood in awe, she smiled at me.  
  
No matter how hard things get, always remain the strong girl that you are. Happiness comes with patience, not with haste. Always persevere.  
  
"Is that. . . . .you. . . . .mother?!"  
  
The image just smiled even more, as it began to fade.  
  
"Please, don't leave me!"  
  
One last thing, my precious daughter; be sure to take good care of James and Meowth. They both love you, more than they sometimes let on.  
  
With that said, the spirit of my mother disappeared. Her presence, however, still remained.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~  
  
Epilogue - The Crowd Cheered Some More  
  
I took a quick walk after talking with my mother's spirit. I pondered her words over and over into my head, trying to make some sense of it. Was it possible that James. . . . .loved me? Was his indifference just a subconscious protection for his heart, like it had been for mine? It was all too much to grasp. I started back home, figuring a mid-afternoon nap might do me some good.  
  
As if out of nowhere, clouds came in, and rain began to fall. I went inside my mother's old apartment, put a warm robe on, and turned the television on. I flipped across the channels, until something caught my eye. They were broadcasting the remaining speeches of the Experimentation Presentation. I missed all the speeches that went on that morning but one. James's speech.  
  
James went up and gave his speech. He talked about his ideas for a more happy and stable world. He said that he wanted more peace, and less violence. He talked about the collapse of the Silph Co. Building. What he said next, though, truly stunned me.  
  
"I know a wonderful person that worked there. She may not have always made great decisions in the past, but she has learned from her mistakes. She now lives a good, honest life. I am proud to know the inventor of the invention I'm about to show you now."  
  
James lifted a table cloth off of one of my old inventions that I was certain was lost with the building. It wasn't ever finished, but it directly solidified James's hope for peace. It was my Restrictor, an idea that I came up with. It was an invention built to prevent violence, but I never got the right formulas for it. It now stood before me, and it looked more polished somehow.......more refined.  
  
"She never did finish the project, but the blue prints were sent to me from her in a correspondence letter. I was inspired to try and finish it for her, and now I have." James looked towards the camera, as if knowing I was there, and smiled. I just stood there. He had paid attention to my letters!  
  
James had a standing ovation. No one knew what the Restrictor exactly did, but the general overall idea of restricting violence was just impressive to them. I couldn't move. James cared enough to finish it for me; actually, he built the whole thing himself. My original had gone down with the building, and there the new one lay, the silver sphere resting beside James. Photographers swarmed around him. It was the last, and best speech of the whole three-day presentation.  
  
Shocked, I stared at the screen, before it hit me what I should do. I took my robe off, and put some warm clothing on top of the t-shirt I already had on, and I drove to the stadium.  
  
I got to the stadium, and was able to spot James immediately. I ran up to him, and then he saw me. A bright smile lit up his face, and he held his arms out to me. I gladly ran into them, squeezing him tightly. The crowd and reporters cheered, and I cried tears of joy. Meowth was probably screaming his lungs out at us. I had cried, and I had prayed. As I lay here, crying in James's arms, I know that mercy has been given me.  
  
I pulled away gently from his warm embrace. "James. . . . .why?"  
  
"I knew that anything was worth risking for you, even the breaking of my heart, and the dying of my soul."  
  
I hugged him tightly again, and we embraced for a long time. He himself then pulled away, and looked into my eyes, as if penetrating into my very soul. He lifted my chin with his hand gently, and tilted his head. He leaned in towards me, and he kissed me. I felt my mother's everlasting presence disappearing, for now I was able to live life on my own. I didn't need my guardian angel's protection anymore. I pulled away a second, hardly able to breathe. James had a look of question on his face, and I realized that I forgot to give in return. I kissed back, more tears of joy flowing from my eyes. We kissed passionately, our future sealed. The crowd cheered some more. 


End file.
